


Segfault

by crypticratcore



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Canon Related, Depression, Drugs, During Canon, M/M, Repression, so much repression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:48:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26842408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crypticratcore/pseuds/crypticratcore
Summary: Matt is aimless and thinking about Mello. One night, he reminisces over his past when he receives a mysterious phone call.
Relationships: Matt | Mail Jeevas/Mello | Mihael Keehl
Comments: 5
Kudos: 22





	Segfault

It was a brisk autumn evening. Matt woke up on his dingy mattress, lined with unwashed bedsheets that had been infused with his scent. He made a mental note to wash his sheets, as he had done every day for the past week. 

The bed rested directly on his unvacuumed floor without a frame. He had been living in that run-down studio apartment for quite some time, but he never got around to buying much furniture. Instead, Matt invested his money in items he deemed essential: state-of-the-art laptops, tech accessories, cigarettes, video games, weed, whatever granted him the power to drown out the world and outrun his thoughts.

As he gradually peeled himself from his sheets, his mind flooded with last night’s dreams, or rather, last afternoon’s dreams. Dreams of his past life at Wammy’s House, of the incessant competition between himself and his classmates, and of course, of his only friend, or rather, his former friend, Mello.

He hadn’t spoken to Mello since he ran away from the orphanage five years ago, but that didn’t stop the man from taking up storage in his mind. Thanks to his subconscious, Matt was once again reminded of the days they spent together studying for their classes– how Mello’s blonde hair fell across his face like the branches of a willow tree as he sat hunched over his history textbook, and how his piercing blue eyes stared intently at the words on the page. He remembered the bitterness that welled in his chest when Mello said his last goodbyes, and he mourned the lost chance to confess his confusing feelings to the boy.

Before his thoughts wandered further, his mind hit a segmentation fault, much like code that makes a failed attempt at accessing restricted memory. “Nope,” he whispered quietly to himself. Matt may have been the third-best student at the orphanage, but there was one thing that he truly excelled in: repression. He shoved that heartfelt nonsense back into a secluded alley in his brain and lit a cigarette.

He forced himself off the bed and hobbled over to his computer, which rested in the corner of his room, surrounded by a ring of empty energy drink cans and bags of chips. He was working on a project for a client that he’d promised would be sent over by midnight. When working on it earlier that day, Matt found himself at a stalemate. His code wouldn’t compile for the longest time, and when it finally did, he wound up chasing his own tail, finding error after error after error. Eventually, he decided to take a break and accidentally slept through the whole day. 

He turned on the monitor and looked over to the bottom right of the screen, which displayed “8:34 PM” in blinding white block letters. Shit. He had just under three hours to get his work done or he could wish next week’s grocery (and drug) money goodbye. He grabbed the nearest half-empty can of Monster, downed a mouthful, and went back to work.

\--------

At exactly 11:57 PM, Matt sent the files over to his client. Exhausted, he turned the monitor off and moved back to his bed to play some video games. Just as the screen of his PSP lit up to the Metal Gear Solid game he’d been playing the day before, Matt decided he was too tired and turned the screen back off. It had been a rough day of slacking off and half-assing his work, so he thought he owed it to himself to just smoke a bowl and call it a night.

\--------

As he lay in his bed, staring at the popcorn ceiling, his clouded mind strayed to that familiar dark alley. Whether he liked it or not, Matt missed Mello. A lot. He missed having someone he could talk to. He missed having someone he could trust. He missed having someone who understood him better than he understood himself.

Matt missed how Mello’s hand occasionally graced his as they walked side by side, how Mello would rest his head on his shoulder when they were all alone and exhausted from the day’s studies, how Mello would sit so close to him in as they played video games in the privacy of his room that he could hear his own heart pounding in his ears and– fuck. Not again.

Matt’s chest began to ache with the grim reminder that he was utterly, pathetically alone. 

He tried to shove that feeling back down to that abandoned alley in his brain where it belonged. No luck.

He began to wonder where Mello was now. What he was doing now. If he was even still alive. The thought of his childhood best friend being dead without his knowledge terrified the hell out of him. Again, he tried to stop his thoughts by forcing them back from where they came. No luck.

If only Mello could see him now. Living in this wreck of an apartment, sleeping through the day, and fixating on his childhood crush at night. Pathetic. 

Mello always had big aspirations. He wanted to be number one, he wanted to be L’s successor, he wanted to be on top of the world, but Matt? Matt didn’t care. He did what he was supposed to do. He studied, performed well, and somehow managed to rank third of all the kids at Wammy’s. 

Despite that, Matt didn’t know where his life was going. He enjoyed technology, so he decided he could make some decent money working with it, but his ambition could never compare to Mello’s. Matt didn’t feel deeply about anything, which is why when it came to Mello, his brain short-circuited.

He hated that after all these years, Mello still resided in his mind. He hated that he wanted a person he no longer knew. He hated that he didn’t get closer to Mello while he had the chance. But really, was that such a bad thing? Mello was always leagues above him in every single way, and Matt idolized him for that. He was terrified that Mello would laugh in his face upon hearing his confession. Fearing rejection, he didn’t act, so five years later, Matt was stuck in limbo.

As his thoughts continued to spiral, his eyelids grew heavier. He turned on his side and closed his eyes. That was enough reminiscing for the night.

Just as his consciousness began to fade, his phone rang. Matt reached down to his floor and swatted his arm around the carpet until he felt something hard and phone-shaped. He flipped open his phone and slapped it shut immediately. There’s no way he’s taking a call this late at night.

Ten seconds later, it rang again. “God damn it,” he groaned. He looked at the screen. There was no number, just the word “UNKNOWN”. Hesitantly, he picked up. “Hello?” he asked.

“Matt,” the caller answered in a familiar tone. “Are you awake?”

**Author's Note:**

> This was fully just me projecting. Also this is my first fic ever... hope you enjoyed lol.


End file.
